if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize