I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
