I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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