You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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