I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
