If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize