He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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