me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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