Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
