jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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