today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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