I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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