What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize