Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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