Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
