Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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