do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
