can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
