I think my fart just growled at me.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
no. you can't hotbox the world.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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