What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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