is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
