Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I need to wash the frat house off of me
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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