You really coming over, don't trick.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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