Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
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My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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