Need sex. Gaining weight.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
