you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
