i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
