Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you didnt know i had herpes?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
