I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
