Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
