Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
