Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
