I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
