Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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