Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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