Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
