I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
