Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
