i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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