I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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