She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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