Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
