Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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