i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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