I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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