I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
