I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize