We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
