Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
