I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
