I have demons in me.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
