I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
