Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
