he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
