sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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