I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
