look no pants
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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