dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
