Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
