the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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