someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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