just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
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Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
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My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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