I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i think im in europe. pls send help
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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