So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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