Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
