Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
