some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
