At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
