he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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