I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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