party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
