Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
