she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
