That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
